Health/Life update!!

i apologize for the lack in posts, however (pardon my language) my life has been a clusterfuck this past month or so.

Ive now been on ivs 6 of the last 7 weeks but am hopefully done on the 16th (4 more days!!!) and can be free of needles, crazy itchy port sites, and antibiotics that are due at the worst times! during this time my meds have been changed 3 times and i cant say im happy with any of them, one made me extremely feverish, sick, and made me feel pins and needles throughout my body for about 5 or so days till i finally couldnt take it anymore and was switched over to a med that made me so dizzy i couldnt walk for a week and now my face in numb and i cant eat or even keep my tube feeds down....win. *rolls eyes*

luckily im beginning to start climbing the health ladder again but im not quite out of the woods. I have appointments with a psychiatrist and a psychologist on monday to help conrol my stress, anxiety, and depression that seems to have gotten worse ten fold lately, then an ENT appointment on thursday to make sure the sinus infection i seem to have had for about 89345093845342 years is under control, and then the cherry on top : transplant clinic on friday. this is a big appointment because after all the ivs if my lung function has continued to drop, reactivation on the list might be necessery. im holding out as long as possible but im not sure how much longer that will be.

the most upsetting part is that this all came out of nowhere, a post not long ago i was talking about how much i was loving hiking and being off of oxygen, i was making waves in my workouts and i was stronger than i ever have been. this is a prime example of how one small bug can change your health overnight. It can come out of nowhere and bite you right in the ass and next thing you know your hooked up to ivs, feeding tubes, oxygen, with nebs going while you watch the x-files in bed for 10 hours straight only getting up to wobble your dizzy ass to the bathroom and back.

its been a ride. somehow through all of this shenanigans i also managed to finish summer glasses and im proudly just a few tests away from finally getting my GED!! i plan to finish these last tests on sunday and then ill be all set to start school to become a pharmacy technician!! i only missed 2 classes due to being in the hospital but caught right back up and through hard work and some help from my friends im well on my way! Relisting or not i plan to start my schooling with online classes and a few on campus so that when the time comes for my shiny new lungs i have something to do with them!! (work, become a baller, buy my dog rubies, and take him on a trip around the world. ya know. stuff like that)

ive also just wrapped up a project i did with PAWS Chicago to help bring awareness to rescue pups and to cf all in one shot so stay tuned for that ill be posting it as soon as its done!! Im also working on a few more posts about some topics near and dear to my heart so expect a few of those soon as well!!! thats about it for now, my health update and my super smart self finally getting my book learnin on!! thanks for reading as always, and feel free to check out my facebook page and my instagram to keep up on more current and frequent things, both of which are listed to the right under the about me and stunning pic (im so humble!)

Adulting Awareness Week-Balancing Health and Life

Today i need to talk about a very important issue overlooked by many, Adulting Syndrome. 

Adulting Syndrome : suffering from being an adult with real life responsibility. 

Symptoms : knowing the right thing to do/recognizing daily obligations and actually doing them.

Treatment : suck it up.

The last week or so has been a little bit crazy for me. I started the process of finally finishing my education and getting my G.E.D and starting school. I want a better life for myself, not just financially but also for the reward of accomplishing something. While most of my friends joke about how i get to sit around all day they dont understand how worthless that can make a person feel. I Im ready to making a difference. (and to make enough to buy my dog rubies and an exact replica Sherlock Holmes outfit...but anyways...) My initial pretest scores were high enough that all i need are a few review classes then i can take the test and hopefully start College in the fall!! 

Heres the hard part : I still have CF (duh). The day to day with CF can be hard as is, the treatments daunting and the work to keep my health and fitness in a good range takes time and a lot of energy so adding in anything extra has to be done, in a way, carefully. Its good to push yourself to a certain extent however overexertion and stress can do more harm than good in some cases, and as always germs can play in a big role especially in a large public place like a school.

Although i believe my current health and lung infection isnt related to school or what ive been doing lately (its summer, downtown and beaches are happening!!!) but instead more of a tune-up or a flare up of the bugs i always carry in my lungs i know that i need to be careful with my workload. Approx 5 years ago i had to leave my job because i was draining myself and couldnt handle doing even simple tasks anymore due to the low lung function i had, and ill admit im nervous that ill be doing a repeat performance with my education but i also know how many people i have rooting me on and helping me in any way to achieve my goals. 

Im also slightly intimidated by the other people and the questions i know ill probably get about my port and what it does since its currently accessed. Last time i was in school i hid my disease like my life depended on it and while ive been open about everything my disease is and carries with it i still have that little part of me that is terrified of being labeled "the sick girl". Days when i might need oxygen or ivs are gonna be a little scary to me, but the silver lining is that ill be able to use that to spread a little awareness to my classmates!!

Im absolutely tired at the end of the day and my $1 mccafe coffee holds me together through my THREE HOUR night classes (ugh!) but in a way i feel great. I feel like at the end of the night when i go to bed ive gained a little more knowlege. Ive spent those 3 hours (seriously...ugh) learning and bettering myself and working towards a future i can be proud of. I want new lungs..one day...and i want to live out a life that means something with them. 

Adulting is hard. Its drainging. Its annoying....but its also awarding. Im very excited to see what happens later on down this path!!! 

Back to Student Life

school was never a priority for me, i struggled in my teens with a lot of family issues, self esteem problems, and what i recognize now as major depression. It was a tough time for me and being in class was never top of my list of things to do. part of this decision was the crowd i hung around with. The crowd who thought life would always be one big party and that rules were more like guidelines, the crowd who lived for the moment and didnt see going to class or spending time on homework as something beneficial. Unfortunately school wasnt the only thing i was skipping, my meds and treatment times slipped into that category as well and since i felt fine i thought i was fine. doctors didnt know what they were talking about right? my teenage self knew it all.....or so i thought.

After turning 18 and having no choice but to leave my fathers house and not being able to return to my mothers due to her lack of care for anyone but herself and her insisting on smoking up the whole house i didnt see it as as issue that i had to live on my own, i can get by on a job at the mall right?? nope...didnt go so well for me either.

with no high school diploma and having spent years skipping meds and assuming i was fine i became sicker than sick and eventually found myself jobless, constant hospital stays and a very bleak future ahead of me.

Recently over the past year ive been working hard on my health and focusing on getting my lungs and my body back into shape to live a more fulfilling life, which is finally at a point where i can handle going back to school. I just recently took GED placement testing and sign up for prep classes and the test tonight!!! The decision to get an education and ultimately start a career was a hard one, having lived most of my life on the edge assuming id be dead by now i didnt see the point in wasting time in a classroom for a career id never be alive to have.

For the first time im confident in my ability to live a long successful life, the hard work ive put in wasnt easy and i know adding classes to it will be a new source of stress but in a way i think itll be good for me. Im working towards a future and i have purpose and meaning to that future now. I wish i hadnt wasted so much time being a stupid ignorant child and i wish i had parents who whipped my ass into gear and took more time to help me stay on the right path.

After i pass this test (which ive been studying my butt off for!!) i can register as a student and start my pharmacy technician program (which im thinking the whole CF deal with give me a bit of a leg up in that area hahaha)!!! I cant wait to start this new sucessful chapter of my life and feel the pride from a job well done. To see the benefits of hard work pay off and to have something to work for. A goal that keeps me going day to day, a source of motivation to keep this healthy lifestyle going as long as possible!

Im ready for my new life, i hope its ready for me!!