A Small Thank You

i like to look for the silver linings, i think its important in moments of darkness to try to see the good that surrounds you. lately ive had trouble seeing through the smoke to find such things. today however i woke up to messages and texts and voicemails of support and love, ive had multiple offers to take the place of my main caregiver and i saw the little glimmer of light throught the dense smoke that filled my mind.

my decision to possibly not accept transplant is not one i take lightly, and its not about petty fights or heating bills. i love my sister and my last post was written in a lot of anger and anxiety, however there still stand a lot of outside circumstances that make transplant very difficult. 

id like to believe that while i wait i am able to stay calm, to keep my anxiety low, and my depressive episodes in check however i cannot do that at the moment. im once again being very diligent with my medications and im keeping all my doctors appointments, even adding on a few more to ensure i make this decision as informed as possible. 

i appreciate all the support and i would like to ask you all to please stop telling me itll get better after new lungs seeing as this is not about my health right now. i will not go into details as it has upset my family when i did last time but things are not stable and i dont feel my tx will be successful as of right now.

im staying positive, well, as positive as one can be in this situation and im continuing my work on the Aleppo project and my fundraising for next years great strides walk and team Raising for Rachel (which needs a better name now that we have multiple cfers on the team!!). thank you for all the love. you are my silver lining, your keeping me going, and while online vs real life support is different its amazing the feeling i get when i wake up to a flooded inbox of support. thank you.