family goals

i have seen both sides to the should a cfer have children knowing theres a change that child could have cf as well or be left losing a parent but also that we deserve happiness and families like everyone else, and both sides make good points. i was never worried about that because i was pretty set on my life staying as it was, dating, maybe finding someone and having a couple of dogs and thats that so i never put a whole lot of real thought into it. 

my last relationship changed my views and my goals almost overnight. i began to see myself with this man down the road, married (something i never wanted to do again), with children believe it or not. when i look at my life down the road now id like to be able to have a family a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and still those couple of precious little chihuahuas haha but is that a selfish choice? 

while im currently single its been about a year since my last relationship ended and ive been feeling getting back out there, finding someone who isnt chased off by a diagnosis and im struggling with the fear of all the obstacles that are no doubt going to get in the way. the closer i get to transplant the more hospitalizations and sick days, meds and procedures ill need to go through and putting that sort of strain on a new relationship is going to be a pretty big challenge. furthermore the family discussion needs to happen earlier than a typical relationship because with cf having a family is going to be anything but simple. i will not be able to do a traditional pregnancy id have to do surrogacy or adoption, both of which im open to, but that was a major part of my last relationship (with no blame and no bad feelings, it was pure honestly and i have nothing but love and the utmost respect for the man). also the fact that having a family with me could (just being realistic) end up leaving my future husband or boyfriend alone to raise a family if my transplant should fail me.

i see the side where people say its selfish because your child could absolutely have cf and that is not a life id wish on anyone, especially my child. but i also see that i deserve a family and happiness and to follow my own path and not let this illness define what i want to do or how i want to live my life. 

im 26. my friends are getting engaged, some are married, some are expecting. i have moments where i wonder if ill get those moments. if ill find someone willing to look past everything i have and see the woman i am underneath the oxygen tubing. i need to believe that one day ill have a hand to hold that wont let go when things get hard. i feel like ive done a lot of growing the past year and im ready to find someone to grow with. im ready to move on. im ready to find my own path and write my own story and i dont want to write it alone. 

ive come to realize that i deserve happiness and normalcy but i also feel a little selfish for wanting these things. like im dragging others into my illness in a way. because its not just mine then, it would belong to my partner and to my child or children. the hard days would be hard on them, working around my hospital schedule and medical issues would become a family affair. 

as i said there are two sides. i see them both, but in the end i need to take the one thats best for me. i suppose finding a man who doesnt wanna run would be a good place to start......

what are your thoughts on families in a chronic illness setting? how do you manage your spouse and children while keeping yourself healthy? do you think its selfish to want the white picket fence life when you know you could rip that away from the ones you love at any time? 

this is new territory for me.