Last Post Of The Year!!!

Goal achieved. I was home for Christmas! I wasnt too sure if id be able to stay home for the holidays this year as i came down with a pretty bad cold, sore throat, runny nose, horrible horrible cough, couldnt catch my breath for anything, the whole 9 yards. Its hitting me pretty hard and just tonight my lungs have decided they had enough and have all but given up on me, i have 1 day till NYE and im very determined to make it till the new year at home! I need to tone down my stubborness, im well aware. Im once again hooked up to my oxygen concentrator cause my oxygen levels without it are dropping down to the 88%-89% range (down from 94%-95% last week) and im thinking an admission is inevitable no later than Jan 2....boo. On the bright side i had an incredible week! Christmas Eve at Sarahs was...well...entertaining haha. It was kind of a clusterfuck but hillarious at the same time, i had a great time! Then i slept most of the day on Christmas day then that night Joey came by and we watched a movie. Thursday night we went to dinner and then watched Hot Rod, which is hillarious and one of the best movies ever and he didnt really agree..but then again he likes Adam Sandler over Will Ferrell so Im not gonna read too much into his opinion there haha, Friday he met up with me and Michelle at Tobys and it was a great night and then we put Harry Potter on and were lazy all Saturday morning and went to Maki Sushi tonight :) Definitely the best few days ive had in a while! I havent been so happy in a loooong time! Tomorrow will be spent planning NYE with Allie and sitting veeeery still lol.

                               

me?? oh ya know, 29%. FML.

    WARNING : PITY PARTY ALERT AHEAD!!!
     PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!
Im excited to start the new year and hope its just as amazing as this one was with him, Allie, Michelle, Sarah, and everyone else who made every day incredible. Im hoping my lungs dont fail me too quickly so i have time to make that happen, and im hoping all the friends ive made in my CF communities are happy and healthy too, it breaks my heart when i log on an almost everyday someone else is gone, someone else lost the battle, and im scared that it might be me next year. The breaths i take are shorter and my heart is beating faster and im tired more than im not, I wanna go out and keep up with everyone but my body wont let me. It makes me sad but not for myself, for Sarah who loves and cares about me more than anyone i know. For my mother who doesnt always know how to be my mother but would be devastated none the less. For my niece who lights up my world and my brother in law who im so glad joined our family! Hes good to Sarah and Gwen and they deserve the best :) Im sad for my best friends who are positive to the point of pure denial. The only person im not sad for is myself because ive had just about enough of not being able to breathe, not sleeping at night, eating all day just to lose more weight in the end, hours of meds and tons of pills, and missing out on life because im so tired i just cant move. Maybe im just having a rough patch...a year long rough patch...and i will fight as hard as i possibly can to the very end but if i should lose, im at the point where im okay with that.  Heres to making the best out of this new year, whatever it should bring, i resolve not to let a single day go by that i didnt make the absolute most out of.

Spoiler Alert : Not My Most Exciting Week

So i havent posted for a little while and i feel like i have a lot to say but ATM all im thinking about is how much my throat hurts and i just keep wondering when this cold, if thats all this is (knock on wood), will end!!
                             But....life updates-
lets seeeeeeeeeee, last friday i saw The Hobbit and it was my first IMAX experience and i was scared i might fall asleep for a little but then i found out just how loud and ridiculous an IMAX movie is hahaha, needless to say theres no way id have fallen asleep. (Id like to add that i was just really tired, the falling asleep has nothing to do with what movie it was). Saturday Allie and i went to TBOX (twelve bars of christmas) downtown and had an amazing time! We wore our finest Christmas attire and headed to Wrigleyville around 8ish and everyone was T.R.A.S.H.E.D. by the time we got there. I mean like ridiculously belligerently in your face smashed. It was obnoxious, but little did we know wed end up exactly the same way by the end of the night haha. This week was a little slow as i didnt feel too great but I went to Houlies on Monday and Gene and Judes on Tuesday with Brent ( aaaaaaand then theres X Factor last night and tonight and the people i wanted to win won!!! I am so obsessed with Alex and Sierra their just too damn cute!! I wish theyd adopt me into their relationship....
                                  Now CF updates-
Ive felt really tired for the past few days to a week and just recently ive started to get a bad sore throat and i went thought like an entire box of tissues in one day which is horrible, and im hoping its just a cold but im not sure. Im gonna take it easy and hope it goes away but if not ill call my doctor after the new year. and yes after the new year CF will NOT take these holidays away from me!!! Ive been working really hard with doing my meds and eating as much as i can although if i had a better appetite itd be easier, this cold is really taking a toll on me, i did just eat a whole meal equaling 1,002 calories though! 2,000 left for today to make my goal!! (yeah....) My breathing has gotten worse im having trouble just walking to my car and im coughing constantly. Im hoping things improve soon but either way i will get better at posting!!

Well thats all for now! Sorry for the boring post but my life is a little less than exciting at the moment.

couple more winter photos...(alot of them are in bathrooms...my apologies. For some reason we do that)

CF Hitting Me Hard This Holiday...

water tower place, 4 years ago

Well this year is quite different from any other years and its the first year I wont be spending the holidays with David in 5 years! I started going with him and his family before we were married and its gonna be weird not to do the stuff we used to every year, decorating and seeing the lights and everything, and also, its also recently occurred to me that there is a possibility that this may be the last holiday season i spend with my family and friends.....

Thats a sad thought, i know, but the way my health is declining its not so crazy to say that, transplant is in my near future and theres a possibility that either i dont get one in time or it doesnt go as planned and i dont make it, obviously my hopes are high and im staying positive however im a very realistic person and i really want to make the most out of this year just in case. Ive always felt so great that i never even thought about not having another holiday, ive never just woken up and wondered if ill be waking up again this time next year.  Im so so so so so happy that ive been invited to my brother in laws families house for thanksgiving cause i was awfully close to spending the day alone :( That wouldve been terrible, and im excited to spend the extra time with my sister and niece! Shes also invited me to stay over Christmas Eve so im there on Christmas morning too and i cant wait!

Im sure everything will be okay (Allies overly positive attitude is starting to wear off on me) but just in case..im really excited for the last few holidays this year. Im going to make the absolute most out of them! Starting with Black Weds! Thankful for my best friends Al and Mish for helping me go all out with a room at the Hard Rock Hotel downtown and a Wrigleyville bar crawl!! so excited!

oooooh i love those girls <3