Ive always loved open space, feeling like the only person for miles and miles, being in the middle of nature without a single man made noise. My favorite vacations were cabins in the woods where my days were spent hiking and kayaking, sitting on a porch eating dinner watching the sun go down over mountains and tree tops. I love waking up to foggy mornings next to a lake, drinking coffee and hearing nothing but birds. Tonight the dumbest thing happened i was watching X-men Origins : Wolverine and for some reason when it showed his house in the mountains, i got this pang of sadness. My life now consists of being in one spot, near my transplant center, constantly running to appointments and hospital stays. Im connected to my phone at all times in case "the call" comes in or i have an emergency and need to call an ambulance. At times im conflicted over transplant because i feel like it could be too early, like im still healthy enough to keep these lungs for a long time, but then times, like right now, i want new ones so badly, i want that life i love so badly. I want to hike and run and feel free. My oxygen cords are like a ball and chain and i wanna break away from them but i cant. These last few years ive tried to do all the traveling i could because i knew this was coming and as much as i did i still want more!! I cant wait for the day i drive away and stay away for a significant amount of time!!! I love my family i could never leave them for too long but my number one post transplant goal is to live somewhere new, on my own, for at least a few months. I wanna explore a new place and experience new things!!! Its so weird how that one scene got to me so badly hahaha i feel so stupid but sometimes the dumbest things really make ya think!!
If you got a second chance at life, where would you go? what would you do with it? would you wait till you were cleared to go back to your job and keep your life how it is or would you go off for a while? live out a dream for a little while?? Im so excited at the prospect of a new fuller life right now! Terrified....but excited.
brb daydreaming of new lungs, and new life.
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