school was never a priority for me, i struggled in my teens with a lot of family issues, self esteem problems, and what i recognize now as major depression. It was a tough time for me and being in class was never top of my list of things to do. part of this decision was the crowd i hung around with. The crowd who thought life would always be one big party and that rules were more like guidelines, the crowd who lived for the moment and didnt see going to class or spending time on homework as something beneficial. Unfortunately school wasnt the only thing i was skipping, my meds and treatment times slipped into that category as well and since i felt fine i thought i was fine. doctors didnt know what they were talking about right? my teenage self knew it all.....or so i thought.
After turning 18 and having no choice but to leave my fathers house and not being able to return to my mothers due to her lack of care for anyone but herself and her insisting on smoking up the whole house i didnt see it as as issue that i had to live on my own, i can get by on a job at the mall right?? nope...didnt go so well for me either.
with no high school diploma and having spent years skipping meds and assuming i was fine i became sicker than sick and eventually found myself jobless, constant hospital stays and a very bleak future ahead of me.
Recently over the past year ive been working hard on my health and focusing on getting my lungs and my body back into shape to live a more fulfilling life, which is finally at a point where i can handle going back to school. I just recently took GED placement testing and sign up for prep classes and the test tonight!!! The decision to get an education and ultimately start a career was a hard one, having lived most of my life on the edge assuming id be dead by now i didnt see the point in wasting time in a classroom for a career id never be alive to have.
For the first time im confident in my ability to live a long successful life, the hard work ive put in wasnt easy and i know adding classes to it will be a new source of stress but in a way i think itll be good for me. Im working towards a future and i have purpose and meaning to that future now. I wish i hadnt wasted so much time being a stupid ignorant child and i wish i had parents who whipped my ass into gear and took more time to help me stay on the right path.
After i pass this test (which ive been studying my butt off for!!) i can register as a student and start my pharmacy technician program (which im thinking the whole CF deal with give me a bit of a leg up in that area hahaha)!!! I cant wait to start this new sucessful chapter of my life and feel the pride from a job well done. To see the benefits of hard work pay off and to have something to work for. A goal that keeps me going day to day, a source of motivation to keep this healthy lifestyle going as long as possible!
Im ready for my new life, i hope its ready for me!!
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