i didnt see myself here. i didnt see myself slowly rotting away getting sicker by the day, currently with no chance at a call for transplant due to conditions that are far out of my control. i didnt see myself working for hours on end each day to help innocent civilians overseas gain basic human needs. i didnt see myself curled up in balls of depression on some days fighting back anxiety attacks that threaten to tear my mental well being into shreds. i saw a world of endless possibilities.
now, today, i see the worlds ugly side and its humanitarian side all at once merging together, clashing like waves on rocks. each side in a never ending battle the waves continue to push for a better tomorrow and the rocks steadfast in their ways. my work through my role model and mentor and her brilliant efforts to help those in E. Aleppo has inspired me in so many ways, its given me a new meaning to my life in a few ways. Ive become more grateful for the medical care i receive and for the abundance of food, water, heat, and clothing i have. for the safety that surrounds me. i take pride in the work i do in the effort to bring awareness, support, and solidarity to the civilians overseas and im so happy to be a part of this movement. i wish i could tell my 8th grade self that i would be making waves, that i would be eroding the rocks that stand tall, eventually wearing them thin.
today i see a new found appreciation for life, i wake up to a new day and the first breath i take in is a miracle in itself seeing as the last one i took before falling asleep could have been my last. my lungs are far from healthy and if we were able to open me up right now im afraid they would just pop. Many have asked about my current situation and here goes : i am on hold and have been for a bit over a month. i went on hold due to a sinus and esophageal infection and continued to be on hold until after i am able to get my qisdom teeth removed, this seemingly simple procedure must be done in an or while i am vented in order to make sure that i am in the safest environment possible should anything go wrong. my insurance is fighting tooth and nail and im about to give them a little bit of my mind in to try to get things rolling a bit faster!!! but until a few days after the teeth are removed i can be reactivated and hopefully get a call soon after. i wish i could tell my 8th grade self that i would be getting a second chance at life in my future.
today i feel sad. as juvenile as that sounds. i just do. i have a lot on my mental plate. i recently started dating someone which is, in general, a happy situation, however my old relationship was one for the books and with my soul bared here its a little hard to bring someone new into my life in a romantic way. hes a wonderful man, very kind and sweet and treats me with all the respect in the world but this means creating some space from my ex and that in itself is a little sad to me. im happy were able to be totally open about it and he knows my feeling on the whole situation. my anxiety is hard to cope with lately as some med switches have left me with some tough days and more than my share of anxiety attacks that are not treated as they should be. i wish i could tell my 8th grade self to be more assertive with my doctors because you know your body and you need to speak up. mental health is serious and you need to take care of your mind as well as your body.
all in all i wish i could tell my 8th grade self a lot of things about the next 5 to 10 years, some things id leave out as they made for some fun surprises!! some i may want to warn myself about or prepare for, some id leave just as they were, we cannot tell the future and we cannot change the past but we can do in the present what we think is right and what we need to do to make ourselves happy and healthy, so i say to you, where do you see yourself in 5 or maybe 10 years? do you like what you see? if not now is the time to change it! but keep in mind we cant change everything. war and crime will happen, heartache builds us into who we are, sickness can provide us with a view on life that the healthy will never know, mental illness while hard to handle and, at time, can be a weight that crushes us can me managed. always know you are not alone. if you dont like the picture youve just painted of your future now is the time to change it!! this is your life, live it to the full possible extent and dont look back!
Ive also renewed my walk team this year Raising for Rachel for the Great Strides CFF event!! please please feel free to click on the link ive provided below and make a donation to my team to help benefit the cystic fibrosis foundation!! one day cf will stand for cure found we just have to get the research on the same page!!! thank you!
again i encourage all of you to reach out to me via the contact form if youd like to get involved with the movement in Aleppo. id be more than happy to answer questions, point you in the direction of some great websites, and include you in any twitter storms projects etc etc. if you wanna get involved and share stories and tweet your elected officials please do so and make sure you include the tag #StandWithAleppo. thank you!!!
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