How to Deal.

Im not sure thats really a phrase anymore but i heard Hillary Duff say it once in a movie so im kind of a fan of the phrase lol, but shes not what i wanna write about (i mean maybe one day...she kind of kicks ass) but i mean how to deal with CF. Not in the sense of the physical toll it takes but how to deal with the damage it can do to your mindset, your emotions. It can hit your sense of self worth and it can tear you down. The disease itself can be a hard hit but when others get involved it can crush a person. Whether you yourself suffer from the disease or your a parent, sister, brother, lover, etc etc youll see the good the bad and the ugly from people on a constant basis. Im hoping my story and recent experience can help shed some light on the things we deal with, and hopefully give you some way to destress, forget the mess, and in short....how to deal (again, thanks Hillary Duff for this golden phrase!)

People in the past have been pretty brutal to me, and although i hid my illness the best i could there was still inevitable coughing and having to go to the nurse for enzymes and all that so people still knew something was up. Starting school again brought flashbacks of the kids who followed me down the hall fake coughing. The ones who warned everyone to stay back so i dont spread my disease. Things like this made my first day going back to collage a challenge and being made fun of right then during introductions left me crying in the bathroom like a little baby. (just for a min...i did have my big girl pants on that day.)

My friends and family have since been rallying behind me showing extra love and support throughout the past few days while i dealt with a string of serious medical issues and admissions and also this one man-child at school who decided he needs to bring me down each class in order to lift himself up. The support i have gotten has been incredible and i credit my ability to keep going back to class week after week to the people in my corner reminding me that i am strong and worth it.

"I was laughing because it was just funny to me."

however ive recently come across some people who took the bullies side. He had passed me a note because apparently were in 5th grade and the first part is pictured here. They argued that because the words "sorry" and "asshole" were in it it was a genuine apology. I find this, in no way, an apology. I find no humor in the things ive been going through lately and i find it very hurtful that he for some reason things its funny that im ill.


It was a comment saying shame on us all because this man in genuinely apologizing and were all being pretty rude about it. A second person also went as far as to send me a private message saying things such as "Who do you think you are?! You have one life to live and you like to live it making other people feel stupid and shallow. Congrats- I have zero sympathy for you. There is no reason to be an asshole to people and you continue to do it over and over." which to me makes no sense seeing as i was the one who was bullied.

My point is this, being chronically ill youll see both sides. youll be lifted up and supported and youll be brought down and stepped on. People will take both sides and are happy to be vocal about it. They will pick a side and defend it to the death and it may not always be the side you choose or even the right one (common sense is lacking here). How to deal with it is the hard part, over time your skin will thicken but the sting never really goes away. Lately xanax has been my saving grace but ive also started to see a psychologist to help me talk about these sort of issues and work them out, medicating myself into oblivion is obviously unhealthy, but when you receive hate mail after asking for support it seems like a good option.

There are apps that are available that teach mindfulness and help with meditation and relaxation, and as you know if your reading this, blogging is a great way to vent out frustrations, anxiety, share wins and bumps in the road, and receive support. I suppose after all my CBS writing and all my posts the fact that i got my first hate message just last night means i had a pretty good run!!  You do you. Try your best to never forget the things that make you better than the words thrown at you. Lean on others when you need it. Dont be afraid to cry. It happens. dont bottle up your emotions thats how people go crazy!!



In the long run im featured in 2 books, im a published writer on CBS Chicago, I have a (fairly) successful blog, i do advocacy work to help others in tough situations like mine and spread awareness about not just CF but many disabilities, i receive messages that i have brought hope and inspiration to people that ive never met. I am a total badass and i try to be a good person. the words ive heard and read lately do not define me. Hateful words and actions will not define your loved ones, we are true fighters and its important to never forget that. This is how we deal.

Ignorance is bliss and awareness is hell

Excuse any crazy errors I have, i recently began to blog from my phone and I haven't quite figured this app out yet ha (including addi n pictures, but as always in have links to my fb page and my Instagram if your interested you should check them out.

However I'm hit hard today by the lack of compassion from a few rididculous healthy people, but also blown away by the love and support from people who either live a chronic lifestyle or took time to understand it.

As I wrote previously, I was apprehensive about being open with my C.F. in school as I was bullied pretty hard at times for being sick. I was hoping that being in a class of adults they would have common decency. They almost did. One classmate had argued that my illness was no excuse for the things I haven't been able to do. Like I'm lazy, like I just gave up and there's no excuse for me to be 25 in a GED class (I suppose he forgot he's in the same class??)

It got to me. I left for a bit and calmed down on the bathroom. Came back to class amd continued to pay attention only to my work at hand.

My point here is that ignorance is bliss. When you dont know the facts it's easy to go gung ho on your position and not acknowledge another person's points or struggle. (Which he ironically showed when he refused to do an assignment because he didn't like the side of the prompt he was given....hes gonna go far).

Awareness isn't any easier. Knowing the truths and struggles and having them thrown in your face as an "excuse" Can be heartbreaking. I picked myself up. I realized I'm sick, on iv antibiotics , juggling hours of treatment a day, keeping up a fitness routine, managing my general health, helping my family, keeping an amazing social life, and showing up to class on time doing my work and most importantly : being a bad ass bitch who doesn't need to take that.

This man will struggle with social situations and in a work place setting with an attitude like that. Downplay my life, call me lazy, but walk a day in my shoes.

I got this. I fight hard and I show no mercy. I will succeed. Watch me kick ass while waiting for a double lung transplant, then look me in the eyes and tell me my illness is invalid.

Haters gon hate.