What It Means To Be My Caretaker

"I dont really do that much."

This is what my sister, Sarah, said to me when i was trying to explain to someone how much work she does to help me out and keep me healthy. I couldnt help but just nod and kind of stare at her because i didnt quite know how to tell her that in all of her 28 years shes never been more wrong than she was in that moment.

See last year in the beginning of August my lung collapsed while out at dinner with some friends. She knew what was wrong immediately and insisted we go to the ER when my stubborn self didnt wanna go. Of course we went because shes very persuasive and im glad we did. By the time we got there i was barely breathing and in lots of pain, she stayed in the room and by my side the whole time till they kicked her out because they needed to put a chest tube in. What we didnt know in that moment was that i wouldnt walk out of the hospital until almost Thanksgiving. 

After the first week i was sent to a different hospital to be put on the transplant list as they didnt think that my lungs were good enough to heal this on their own. As i signed all the papers to be put on the list she was handed a paper as well, she was agreeing to be my caregiver through the transplant process and help me afterwards. She was agreeing to drive me to appointments and help make sure my med schedule stayed on track. She was agreeing to help keep my bedroom and living room clean and to help with meals and errands till i was healed. She left her research position and put school on hold and it began.

She next few months she came by a few times a week and took my dirty clothes and brought me new ones, changed my pillow cases because im a diva and insist on having my own pillows and cases in the hospital, she threw me a big party in my hospital room for my 25th! Decorations app trays and all!! She came and slept over and had movie nights with me, she brought the kids to hang out and took walks outside with me. She brought me home cooked food and we ordered pizzas when the hospital food became too much. I wouldnt have been able to handle those 3 months as well as i did without her. 

I was lucky enough to receive an experimental surgery and be fitted with a device that allowed the chest tubes to be removed and i could finally go home, and she didnt skip a beat. I couldnt lift more than a gallon of milk and i was very tired all the time. Getting worn out super easily keeping up with everyday tasks became a chore and a half but she was right there. Laundry was done and meals were made and our home, like usual, was kept super clean. That alone makes a huge difference in my health. To not have dust and germs in my home keeps my lungs clear and my crappy immune system happy.

Today my health is back to normal, my lungs are inflated and i was able to work hard enough that im currently not active on the transplant list (to the surprise of everyone!). She still will make me meals when im not feeling good or pick things up from the store for me. She keeps the house super clean which is a chore in itself. When i have a hard day or my symptoms become too much she listens to me and i can see it in her face that shes genuinely sorry i have to go through this. All of this is more than she had to take on, let alone the fact i live with her and her family. Living alone got too hard for me years ago and i truly believe I would not be as healthy as i am had i never moved in with them. 

All of this plus the million other things she does is what she considers as "not much". However to me its everything. Being my caretaker isnt an easy job. Right now things are good, im healthy as ill ever be and i can babysit and take care of myself for the most part, but i will get sick again. I will be active on that list again, ill need her a lot more than i do right now again. The real kicker here is that im not worried even slightly, because i know for a fact shell be there and that im in the best hands i could ever be in. My sister is more than my caretaker, shes my best friend and i couldnt imagine life without her. Sick life sucks, but with the right people, its also a wonderful life.